Touching the Void (inside the skull)

This weekend I got to finally see one of the most extraordinary docu-dramas produced for many a year. I think most of us have a sick fascination with mountain-climbing - but this doco really brings it up close and personal. You may have though that some of the scenes in Return of the King where Frodo, Sam and Gollum are climbing the stairs of Cirith Ungol were vertigo-inducing, well hold onto your sick buckets for this one!

The doco is called Touching the Void, and if you've not seen it .. go out and rent it now. Or buy it. Or get it for your Gran's birthday!

Please note: SOME SPOILERS FOLLOW

Basically this is the story of two guys - Joe and Simon - decide one boring afternoon to go to Peru and climb the 7,000 metre iceface of Siula Grande. Note that even the best professional climbers had not succeeded with this! But these 2 fellahs - after a few bevvies down the pub are all up for it. Let's listen in on the conversation:


Joe: Whatcha reckon?
Simon: Fucking easy! I mean after the hike up Mt Snowdon we can cilmb anything! Giss another pint ta love.
Joe: I have this idea ... we do it Alpine Style!
Simon: So just the two of us and a rope.
Joe: Yep!
Simon: No emergency radio or flares?
Joe: Just takes up room ... where would we stash the Gin?
Simon: Fuckin' good point ol' mate. How about the base camp?
Joe: hmm, spose we need one. That guy sitting by himself down the back of the pub there. We'll ask him.
Simon: He know anything about mountain climbing?
Joe: not a fucking thing!
Simon: Cool! We're set then!
Joe: how much gas do you think we should take? Only way to melt ice into drinkable water.
Simon: just a couple canisters. We can survive on Gin for ages.

They both laugh and tuck into another pint.

Now, to give Joe and Simon some credit - they actually did it! They managed to climb all the way up. The thing they forgot is that they have to get down again - and their downhill planning was not the most thorough.

On the way down, Joe slipped and fell badly - breaking his leg in a seriously nasty manner. If I'd been Simon I probably would have shot him there and then on the spot - they shoot idiot horses, don't they?

But Simon was nice and decided to slowly lower Joe bit by bit to the base of the mountain. This worked fine til Joe slipped over a cornice and ended dangling hopelessly in mid-air with a serious drop into a crevasse beneath.

After waiting for hours and almost freezing to death, Simon cut the rope - and Joe fell.

So - you might think that was the end of it all - but in truth this is where Touching the Void gets even freakier.

Not only did Joe survive the fall, he crawled his way out of the crevasse and slowly made his way down the side of the mountain to the base camp - broken leg and all. Nothing like brute force and ignorance to supplant careful planning.

I can just imagine Joe' chagrin when he finally gets to the base camp after this horrendous 4 day ordeal ... to find that the others had burnt his clothes in some Viking style funerary offering ... blood on the floor ... or ... hopping mad?

(sorry - can't resist and bad pun)

Anyway ... this is an awesome movie in the original sense of the word. Couldn't get up to pee, couldn't feed my face, didn't even want to hit the Pause button. Eyes glued, brain disengaged from the rest of the Universe.

Wonderful.